I was sitting on the beach this afternoon just thinking about how strange this place is. It has been a really long time since I have been out of my New England bubble for this long. But I don’t think it’s just that. The entire time I have been here on the west coast I have had a weird, surreal feeling. Like I’m not really inside my own body. or like the colors are too bright. It’s hard to explain but it’s very bizarre.
I mean, there’s the obvious stuff. The weather is just a tiny bit different here in January. I am absolutely not missing the snow or the cold or the constant darkness at home. I suffer from seasonal affective disorder every January and February and it has been nice to get a break from being constantly grumpy and sad. It is hard being so far from my husband and close friends, though. It makes me feel a little bit isolated and that may be contributing to the surreal feelings I have had.
It has also been really funky watching hockey at 4:00pm and being done with hockey before dinner time. The entire time change/difference has taken a while to get used to and will surely kill me once I get home. But really the hockey thing is the craziest part. It changes how I structure my day and make plans for myself. I mean, no wonder they make the Bruins play at 10:30pm EST when they are in town. Afternoon hockey on a Tuesday is WEIRD! Also, it feels like summer every day but still gets dark a little after 5:00pm. What planet am I on?
I have to say, despite the color of the ocean being different and having to drive every damn place and paying tax on clothes, I am enjoying myself. It has been great to see the friends I do have out here and I love playing tourist, seeing new things and beautiful places. If only it felt like it was actually happening!
Filed under More Me, Travel
I am going to start off this post by saying just one thing about current affairs: I am angry and I am afraid. And also very proud of Boston right now. Mayor Marty Walsh is doing the exact right thing by fighting fear and hate in every way he can. Keep doing you, Marty. Also, please read this article written by Yonatan Zunger, an engineer at Google and a former Stanford professor. It is eye opening and easy to read. It will probably not make you feel better.
In happier news, I got to spend this last weekend with my sister and it was so good to have her home, even for such a short time. We were able to squeeze in a lot of eating, drinking, and laughing, as well as a very intense game of Uno wherein she wiped the floor with her boyfriend and I. It was embarrassing. We also Visited Balboa park (gorgeous) and a couple of wineries up in Temecula (amazing). I had never been to Wine Country before and I have to say, the Sparkling Coconut Nui from Wilson Creek Winery is LIFE CHANGING. If you see it, pick it up, you can thank me later.
Not sure if I will get the chance to see Stacey again before I leave California so I am super glad we got to have an awesome, long weekend together. Miss her already.
Today, my first day alone in a while, I spent some time at the pool with my headphones and a book. Feel like I finally sunned some of the pale off of me. It would be be nice to get back to Boston and NOT be glowing in the dark any longer. Also enjoyed listening to the latest Steve Dangle Podcast featuring NHL All-Star and Legend, John Scott. What a great sport that guy is. Hopefully the people near me at the pool didn’t mind me laughing to myself for a solid hour (thanks most notably to a joke about a pro golfer at the zoo. Too hilarious for words). I probably looked really cool. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Tonight I will be making my first of three Blue Apron dinners that my sister so generously set up for me. A glazed cod that looks really healthy and delicious. I’ve never really cooked fresh fish before (lobster doesn’t count) so it will be interesting to see how it goes. I will have an update on a later post. Wish me luck!!
Last but not least, this last weekend was the NHL All-Star Game. I didn’t get to see a lot of it since I was busy enjoying the California sunshine, but I did see a few pics, one especially that filled my heart and my tear ducts and has become one of my favorite hockey pics of all time. I present for you All-Stars Tyler Seguin and Brad Marchand, formerly known as Bryler, two thirds of my favorite line of all time. Missed seeing them on the ice together!! Enjoy!
I have arrived in California!!
Technically, I arrived last night and to such an amazing surprise!! I knew I was going to get to meet my sister Stacey’s new boyfriend Alec as he kindly offered to pick me up from the airport (he knows where she lives now and I do not). What I did not know, was that Stacey was going to be with him at the airport!! Such a surprise. I nearly burst into tears and definitely screamed loud enough to scare some pee out of a lady standing near by. The three of us had a wonderful evening playing trivia and eating gourmet mac & cheese at a brewery. Excellent start to the trip.
After a quick tour of her new place, Stacey had to get back to the boat and Meredith Grey (the cat, not the TV character) wasted no time in showing me just how unwelcome I was. She really is something else. After she made me bleed my own blood, I spent the following 12 hours closed inside Stacey’s bedroom. In my defense, I did have some sleep to catch up on and a book to finish reading so it wasn’t completely out of fear. Getting around today has been interesting though, to say the least. Meredith hates me. I am terrified of Meredith. Meredith is not a fan of the vacuum. Ergo, the vacuum and I have become attached at the hip BFFs. Big thanks to Alec for the excellent tip. Just me, dragging the vacuum from room to room in case I have to point it in her direction. It would be hilarious if it weren’t so pathetic.
I did escape the cat from hell for a bit to hit the grocery store and decided that since I was feeling so anxious about everything, I would also hit a beach. So, I turned the Guster up on the stereo and went for a little drive. The sound and the smell and the sight of the water was just what I needed. I definitely take for granted having it just down the street at home.
Tonight will be frozen pizza, streaming the Bruins game online, and trying not to get killed. Wish me luck.
Princess Leia was my first love. My first crush. The first person I can remember wanting to be. She didn’t let stupid dudes tell her what to do. She was always cool in a crisis. She took orders from no man. In a sea of damsels in distress, she was the one doing the rescuing. And I learned from her.
Carrie wasn’t just a heroine on screen, but one off of it as well. A champion of sufferers of addiction and depression. A fighter against tyranny and evil. There wasn’t anything she was afraid to tackle. The future. The past. She had it all by the balls. Just like any princess should.
And in her bravery, in her strength, she made others brave and strong.
RIP, Princess. You are already missed.
“I felt a great disturbance in the Force, as if millions of voices suddenly cried out in terror and were suddenly silenced. I fear something terrible has happened.”
FILE – In this July 10, 2015 file photo, Carrie Fisher, from left, Mark Hamill, and Harrison Ford attend Lucasfilm’s “Star Wars: The Force Awakens” panel on day 2 of Comic-Con International in San Diego, Calif. Ford stars as Hans Solo in the new film, “Star Wars: The Force Awakens,” releasing in U.S. theaters on Dec. 18, 2015. (Photo by Richard Shotwell/Invision/AP, File)
Filed under More Me, Movies
Now that I have decided to quitting smoking, I think about smoking a lot more than when I was actually smoking. I was thinking earlier today about something specific. Throughout adulthood, when I have been stressed or anxious or hyper, my strategy has always been to take a cup of coffee or glass of wine out on the deck with a cigarette and just wait as the whole world slowed down, one drag at a time.
It’s time to find a new strategy.
Since I started quitting (does that even make sense?) I have also been trying to eat better and exercise more. It seems stupid to go half assed. So far, it’s going pretty good. I’m not following any specific diet. That shit doesn’t work for me. I am cutting out the bad, cutting down on the total and adding in a lot more good. I just really don’t want to create some obsession with food or counting or weighing. I’m obsessed with enough things (looking at you Prince Patrice). I only want to be better and feel better. I always think about that quote from Kate Moss about no food tasting as good as skinny feels. I’m not so sure about that. I’ve had a few steaks that felt pretty great. But feeling better about myself would taste pretty damn good.
The working out is also going well. I like this as my new coping strategy, whenever possible. It is starting to feel good to run until my lungs burn. I’m enjoying feeling soreness in my muscles. The only thing I worry about is listening to too much Skrillex. I have been to the gym 6 out of the 10 days and I would like to add some Yoga/Pilates in at home as well. As with the food, I’m not following anything too strictly. I am setting small goals and then more small goals once the first are met. We’ll see how it goes!
Can anyone recommend stress strategies when jogging or lifting is not an option? It would be helpful to have as many tools as possible.
As of today it has been 9 days since my last cigarette. 9 days since my last cocktail. Not that I’m trying to quit drinking forever, but I just know that after even one glass of wine I’m going to want to light up. And since I’m trying to get into a shape that isn’t round, I’d honestly rather get any extra cheat calories from cheese.
Quitting two of my favorite things (3 if you count cheese fries) at the same time seemed really scary at first but it hasn’t been impossible. Yet. I have definitely had moments where I want to crawl out of my skin. Moments when I feel a rage blackout is eminent. But I am sticking to it!! If I can make it through a couple of big tests coming up, I know I’ll be able to make it stick.
Since I’m the Queen of stressing out over sports, tonight will not be an easy one to get through vice free. Watching my favorite team vs. my favorite player (who never should have been traded) is always hard for me. And on Friday I will be at Garth Brooks with the bestest BFF to party it up until the wee hours. I’m not sure I’ve ever been to the Garden without ordering a beer.
I can do it. Watch the game from hell. Attend a girls night out.
Wish me luck!!