Wow. That movie was not great. I saw it with my husband and two other couples. My husband and I spent the majority of the 90 minutes laughing at things that I imagine were not supposed to be funny while my BFF slept through nearly the entire thing. I guess what I am saying is: it wasn’t only me that didn’t care for it.
Here are some thoughts without giving away spoilers (though, it is a centuries old fairy tale so if you have no idea what to expect, you have much bigger problems than I can help you with).
- It’s quite apparent that nearly all the time and thought that went into this movie was spent on visuals. Things that were meant to be disgusting were really gross and things that were meant to be beautiful were really quite lovely. The problem was, there was no story. Just pictures. “Here are some dark and scary woods. Here is another angle of the dark and scary woods. Here are the pretty woods, and some different pretty woods.” I’ve seen National Geographic specials with more character building and fewer scenes of woods.
- The periods between action sequences were brutally long. I lost count of how much time was spent watching people walking. And walking. And walking. The Boston Marathon has more drama.
- Oh Kristen Stewart. I want so much to like you. I really do. But the acting. Yikes. There is no emotion and lots of strange facial expressions. My husband likes to say that she graduated from the Keanu Reeves School of Acting. She’s the exact same character in everything she does and that character is always wooden.
- I don’t have the inside scoop on this, but I would almost put money on George Lucas writing some of the dialogue for this movie. My husband and I spend a great deal of the time looking over at each other asking, “WHAT THE HELL?” expressing both confusion and exasperation.
- The end. Ridiculous. Completely anticlimactic. I really kind of wanted to throw my half full Diet Coke at the screen when it cut out. Still a bit mad that I didn’t.
Even poor Chris Hemsworth, caked in mud, could not save this movie for me. The very best part of the entire thing was the new Florence + The Machine song, “Breath of Life” that plays over the end credits. Definitely go and download that.
Final verdict: Save your money. Better yet, go see The Avengers or Battleship, both of which are worth 10 of this movie. And if it is an epic Medieval battle you’re craving, re-watch last’s week’s penultimate episode of Game of Thrones. You’ll thank me when you get SWATH at the Red Box for $1 and still hate it.